Sunday, November 13, 2005

Mid Life Crisis in your 20's?

Is it possible to have a mid life crisis in your 20's? I think so. I am the mother of three beautiful kids, have an ok husband (just kidding honey, you're great too), and a job that I feel passionate about. So why do I feel like something is missing. As if I should be doing something more? Well, I have decided to answer my own question, because I need to follow through with something that I have been dreaming about doing for the longest time, ok the last three years. With each passing year the drive, the desire to go out and just do it, gets more and more intense. I think about it everyday. So what has me going nuts...I want to go back to school and get my degree to be a Physicians Assistant. Basically be a doctor without the MD and without the long schooling, but working under a Physician and their guidance and knowledge. I have been wanting to do this for so long. It would fit in so nicely with all I have learned from my Peanut, and my other two kids, as well as my current occuapation, that of lactation counsultant.
So after driving my family and friends crazy by always saying I was going to go back to school but then never doing it, I am finally doing it. I took the plunge last week and enrolled in a college to start taking my prerequisites for the graduate program that I want to enroll in. I am so excited, yet the trepidation is still present. I am leaving my three kids to go back to school full time for two years and part time for 18 months. I feel like I am abandoning them, yet I know I am not. In fact I probably am setting a good example of following through with what you dream or feel passionate about. However, I still feel a little guilty. Despite the fact that by the time I go full time Peanut is going to be in school for most of the day, I'm kinda leaving her behind. I know she will always be there, unlike my other kids who will go off and leave the nest eventually. Peanut will probably be with us or at least near us forever, which I actually am finding comfort in. So while I do feel a little guilty, I know I will only be missing out a small part to be able to give her all the things she needs or wants. Not to mention giving her a mommy who is happy and feels fulfilled.
Nevertheless, I have taken the plunge and registered for classes and am starting the ball rolling, because you have to start somewhere, right? Besides, I think when you feel as passionate about something like I do, you should seek to acheive and excel at it. I just feel like I have gone thru so much that I can give a diverse perpective to medicine. Our kids, those with special needs, are all to often seen as kids with Downs who are sick, not a child who is sick who happens to have downs. The way the medical world perceives our kids will determine what kind of medical care they will receive. Which I do not agree with and hence one reason I feel so strongly about the medical field. Then you add in the Lactation issues, and man you have gotten me started on something I can't stop. I will be brief - far too many people won't even TRY to breastfeed their infants. All I ask is just try it once, if you hate it then fine, stop. But you can't say you don't like blue food when you've never even tried it. Plus, once more, the medical field is far too outdated and misinformed about breastfeeding and so many mothers just give up. Just like mothers of kids with special needs may give into the pressures form the medical staff - they are intimidated. Intitials don't give an individual infinite wisdom, they just add a little more weight, but mom will know, 9 times out of 10, what is best for her child. If I can try and help parents and women be heard by the medical profession, then I have done my job. Besides, I think the whole medicine thing is cool, and really neat, you should see the things they can do nowadays. Absolutley amazing.
I am actually counting the months down until I can actually apply for the graduate program, I am more nervous about applying then actually going. I am older then the average student, and have been out of school for 6 years, I hope I can get in...I'll keep you posted.


Tara Marie said...

I love our PA......much success to you on your new endeavor....may you always be filled with the passion you have that has lead you on this path!!!

Belovedlife said...

Thanks! I'll let you know how things go.....

Kim Ayres said...

Way to go!

I've pretty much been having a crisis every few years for the past 20 or so. However, I'm now old enough for it to be called a midlife crisis.

I guess the real difference with this one is the sense of mortality that lies behind it - the full realisation that yes, I really could die and life is getting shorter. This has meant that my life has been turned around big time.

My crisis when I was in my mid 20s led me to return to education and take up philosophy. My crisis in my early 30s caused me to escape unemployment by setting up my own business. My crisis in my late 30s has caused me to sell my business, move to another area and take up a career as a would-be writer.

A crisis is very often the crunch point that forces you to make the changes in your life. So I would say embrace it whole heartedly and go out and grab your dream.

Belovedlife said...

Wow, what can I say....inpiration at its peak. Thanks for the encouragement.