Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Number Four????

So we went out to dinner the other night. A cousin of mine had tied the knot and family members and friends had gotten together for a post marriage dinner party. So my husband and I went. We had a great time, it was nice to see people we haven't seen for a while. One of the people I saw there was a woman whose kids I used to babysit for, Sylvia. Sylvia has ten kids and the first six I would watch many times over the years. She recently had her tenth child, a cute as a button little boy. While at the dinner, we got to talking about life and how funny it is that we have kids the same age. Just then her little boy proceeded to spit up all over his mother and her beautiful, but dry clean only, suit. So I offered to hold him while she went to clean up a little in the ladies room. Holding him, I got to feeling like maybe I want another one of these kiddos. They are so little and yummy, but could I handle a fourth? Especially with Peanut and all her needs not to mention my middle one, James and his speech needs (which he will and is outgrowing).
But I think I may be getting to that point that maybe one more kiddo would make me feel like we are a completed family. After all my kids are roughly two years apart and that is great spacing, yet I am a little unsure. What if I can't handle four kids, and working, and house? So I put the thought to the back burner, then today, I was in the office seeing a patient and I got to thinking, I would like to have another one! But again I wonder about Peanut. Truth be told, when we were thinking about having our third, we also were a little unsure if we could handle it. It being so many, not knowing how much things would really change. But we also were a little uncertain, only to turn around and embrace and love Peanut. So I know we'll be ok, but I'm just a little nervous because Amanda is more high needs then typical kids. Needs that hopefully as the years unfold will spread out, and we'll learn to let go. I guess what I am trying to put into words is that I am afraid of pushing Peanut to the back burner by having another baby...as most kids are, but I don't want her to feel left out or set aside.
So I have a question for you...Have you thought about having more kids after having your special kiddo? If you have what kind of timing did you find was good? Does the hesitancy ever go away?

6 comments:

-jt said...

I always think it is funny how right after you (not you, I mean people) have a kid, you're like, "No way am I EVER doing that again" until six months or a year or so latter when you are like, maybe another one wouldn't be bad... In my head, another kid would be a very bad thing... (I have 3) but deep inside, even though I won't admit it, another kid wouldn't be that bad at all....

Julana said...

I would be so glad if our son had siblings. I am older, so he probably won't. In your case, I don't know what I'd do. I've often heard a younger child provides a good role model and motivation for a child with Down syndrome. THere are so many factors to consider.

Tara Marie said...

I have four,,,,always thought I'd have 12 [my husband didn't think that was such a cool idea!].

Emma Sage is our fourth, but I would have had more if dh would agree [or get drunk enough so I could 'take advantage'].

If you love children, have a good balance, have your health and both agree that another little blessing would be great then I say go for it [but remember, as a dear friend of mine once said, "We decided to have four children, but baby number five decided to tag along with baby number four!!!"]

Peace, TM

Naomi said...

I had another 17 months after having Callum. We really really wanted Callum to have a sibling and wanted them to be close in age. I've heard people say the best way is to have an older sibling to pull and a younger sibling to push.

I feel guilty sometimes because we don't makes as big a fuss when Kieran's reaches a milestone. I think a lot of that is because he gets there so easily whereas we saw every time step along the way with Callum. I also think that it helps us to stop obsessing quite so much over Callum because we now have to split our time out more.

Belovedlife said...

I know this is something Bstrong and I will have to decide as husband and wife, but I was just curious...I am glad that there are those who had more and who would like to have more...who knows where we will end up.....

Kim Ayres said...

Obviously, ask your husband is my 1st thought (don't worry, I don't seriously believe you would have thrown this dilemma out to a bunch of blogger strangers without discussing it with him first)!

Personally, I'd have been happy to have a dozen kids, but it has to be a decision made between both partners - especially as I'm not the one actually giving birth!

Maggie had 3 children already when I met her, and we had 2 of our own together, so Maggie was quite happy enough to stop at 5. Also, the older of my 2 step-daughters is 22 and has 2 children of her own, so we're grandparents, as well as having children aged 7 and 10.

As we have never had a life together without children, we are kind of looking forward to the day when they have all grown up, are independent and have left home. So if we were to have any more, then that would be even longer in the coming :)