Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Seperation Anxiety

As a young child, I always had the fear that my parents would leave me. For that reason I never did well at sleep overs, or overnight camps, so I hardly ever went anywhere overnight. Guess what. They were always right at home waiting for me the next morning, they never left me. Well, at the ripe old age of, well, my current age, my parents are leaving me. Over the years they have talked about moving abroad to live a more relaxed lifestyle, in Israel. Hey, to each his own. The last two weeks they have spent checking out their country of choice and have made a decision. They are hoping to leave in the next six months to nine months. This is all dependant on what jobs they can get and how they can retire at a young age abroad. Well, I am having a hard time with this desicion. Perhap this is because I went from living with my parents to living with my husband. I never really spent any extended time away from home....certainly not now that I have my kids. I guess I have been spoiled living five blocks from my parents, with them helping whenever we needed help. Whether to watch the kids in emergency situations or just to give my husband and I time to ourselves. This is about to end. They are adults, who are free, and over the age of twenty one. They have lived their lives, with us kids, and now they are empty nesters who may do whatever they'd like. I just feel like they are abandoning my kids, their only grandchildren so far, and myself too. After all it isn't like it is so cheap or easy to get to Israel from the US. At approximately $800 a ticket, we will not be going to visit too often. Not to mention a really really long set of flights, boy does that sound like fun with three kids??!! NOT! Anyway, I guess with them over seas I was kinda hoping they'd hate it and scrap their idea. But based on the last phone call I had with them,they are having such a great time, they are going to do their best to move sooner rather then later. Yippy do da day :( Like I said I am being a little selfish and childish, experianceing a little separation anxiety, but I'll survive right? It's not like we don't have friends whom we can call in a pinch, but it is just not the same as living near family. In all fairness, my husbands family lives twenty five minutes away from us, they could help, but they are so busy with their own lives that I never see or talk to them as it is. So as far I I see it, they might as well live farther away then they really do.
I must say that I haven't heard my Dad sound so excited when telling me all about Israel. He likened it to living in a James Bond movie, security surrounding you as you are escorted to and from certain tourist attractions, and questioning everyone at bus stations....forgive me, but that does not sound attractive to me. Actually Israel happens to be a pretty safe place, because security is so high and they do keep a careful watch on everyone. I'm not concerned so much about their safety, but more the distance between us. Just the same, I like my quiet city neighborhood, with loud parties and lightly armed police force. Who knows maybe one day I too will change my mind. But for now I am not. I am not changing my mind, and I am so not happy about my parents desicion, but if they don't mind their grandkids not knowing them very well, hey that's their problem. In the meantime, I need a great big bottle of Valium, a good friend or two who we can call if we need to in a pinch (who really don't mind, and are not just saying it), and a few gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream from Baskin Robbins. I should kiss those size two skirts goodbye, and say hello to size ten.


Kim Ayres said...

You will survive, because you have to, and that's what you do. Fear is the real killer.

If you think back to when Peanut was born, all the fears you were overwhelmed with were based on fear of the unknown.

What if this? What if that? What if the other? The fear that you might not be able to cope with some unknown event in the future is what filled you with dread.

But guess what? You are in fact strong enough to cope with what life throws at you. You have coped. You will cope. You show that you are capable everyday.

Let your parents go with your blessing, if this is what they want with their lives, while you forge ahead, creating the life you want.

Belovedlife said...

Kim, You are absolutly right! I never thought about how similar it is to when peanut was born....thanks for your comment!

Naomi said...

It's just like letting your kids grow up and be their own person.

I know you're going to miss them and they'll certainly miss their grandkids but it's what they need to do with their lives.

All of our family live in Europe. I send lots of emails, photos & videos and we talk on the phone once a week. We get visitors throughout the year so the kids do get to see their relations and we talk about them all the time. It's an adjustment but you'll make it.